Where the Wild Things Are

In case you were wondering, the wild ones live in a non-descript building on the campus of Mt. Washington Pediatric Hospital in Baltimore.

To explain, allow me to recap yesterday's adventure to Mt. Washington for Ryan's appointment with a pediatric pulmonologist. Given his respiratory problems, frequent bouts of wheezing, and family history of asthma and allergies, we decided to consult a specialist to be better informed about childhood asthma and more proactive about treating it.

We were initially impressed with how efficient and kid-friendly the experience was. As we entered the building, we were greeted by the cheerful, colorful decor and friendly staff. The waiting area was full of interactive toys and activities to entertain and engage children while their parents filled out the required paperwork. Since we are accustomed to frustratingly long wait times at doctors' offices, we were pleasantly surprised when we were shown to an exam room within 10 minutes of arriving. Much to our disappointment though, the exam room was small and bland and offered no toys or books to occupy fidgety little boys - this would not have been an issue had we not had to spend nearly an hour and a half in there trying to entertain Ryan while we waited for the attending physician to see us!

Before too long, the fellow physician came in to the room, introduced herself to us and to Ryan, gathered information about Ryan's medical history (particularly his previous episodes of respiratory problems), and conducted an initial examination of Ryan. Naturally, Ryan decided that he had to go to the bathroom at that exact moment. Now, mind you, we had been waiting for this appointment for almost 6 months. And, we have been trying, unsuccessfully, to persuade Ryan to use the potty for months now! But, he decides in the middle of a doctor's appointment with a sought-out specialist that he's ready to sit on the potty for the first time?!?! So, not wanting to discourage his sudden interest, Daddy quickly escorted Ryan to the restroom, where he did sit on the potty and try to go to the bathroom.

The fellow then explained that she needed to consult the attending physician regarding Ryan's symptoms and health history and the two of them would return to the room to discuss the next steps in Ryan's treatment. That's when the endless waiting began...as the minutes ticked slowly by, Mike and I desperately tried to entertain Ryan. Understandably, as time wore on, Ryan got increasingly restless and irritable.

Eventually, we pulled the guest chair up to the lone window in the room, opened the blinds, and discovered that we were overlooking another building. When Ryan asked what that building was for, Mike informed him that it was where wild children who don't behave during their doctor's visits are sent. Ryan's eyes widened in alarm and awe and Mike and I began to spin an elaborate tale. We invented the following rules for the building where the wild ones live:

• No cookies, PopTarts, or other sugary snacks; children living there are only fed carrots for every meal;
• No apple juice or chocolate milk to drink, children are only offered toilet water to drink
• There is no TV, especially Dora and Diego, instead children are forced to brush their teeth 3 times a day (the horror!) and cut their own fingernails and toenails everyday (you should have seen the look on Ryan's face when he learned this news!!); and
• Although parents would be allowed weekly visits, the children are not released until they receive their GED or their 21st birthday, whichever comes first.

The fear of being sent to that building kept Ryan in line for a little while, but our giggles and laughter at the rules we created eventually betrayed us and Ryan insisted, "you teasing me, that's silly." So, we next turned to the one magazine we could find to try to entertain Ryan - National Geographic. Now, one might think that Ryan would find National Geographic fascinating given his love of animals. While he did enjoy the majority of the photos he saw in the magazine, we weren't sure how to respond when he inquired about the photo of villagers carrying a slain gorilla out of the forest on a bamboo litter or the picture of a camel being hoisted by a crane, likely being transported to its final resting spot. Just when we had reached our wit's end, the attending physician came into the room and put us out of our misery!

She then examined Ryan, reviewed his charts, and decided to put him on Pulmacort indefinitely to reduce the frequency and severity of respiratory flareups such as the wheezing he normally develops following a cold. The hope is that by treating him now, it should prevent or mitigate his respiratory problems when he gets older. Based on his history, the physician assumes that his breathing problems are likely triggered by a virus (such as the common cold) or seasonal allergies. However, she explained that it is premature to subject Ryan to allergy testing now since he is still developing his allergies and will continue to do so through the age of 5. We will followup with her in 3 months to see what effect the Pulmacort has had and determine what the next course of action in his treatment plan should be. Hopefully next time we'll remember to bring toys or books for Ryan so we won't have to resort to threats of abandonment and/or elaborate storytelling!